Dear Borders & Costco Customers and Employees,
Please forgive my son, he's just going through a phase. He's got a curious mind, and he likes to explore. Like when he took every toy out of the toy bins at Borders to see what was underneath. Exploration! And when he twirled the bookmark stand to see how fast it would go, and all the bookmarks flew off. Curious mind! He's really just an adventurous kid.
To the girl working the coffee counter at Borders: Thanks for being patient. I'm sure the fact that he ran away screaming, with the drinks he stole from the cooler made you vow to never have children, but at least you didn't spit in my cocoa. And you gave us an extra chocolate stick.
To the customers at Costco: I know he just wanted a book, but you don't understand; he already has all the books Costco sells. He's just wanting doubles. And I know the nearby customers were shocked when I broke down and told him he wouldn't get a hot dog if he didn't stop screaming, but I planned on at least getting him a pizza.
Oh, and to the old woman he threw the checkout divider at: I am SO sorry! He really wasn't aiming for you. But I'm sure he heard your lecture about hurting people. I'm sure he caught that look of disapproval you gave me, too. That's probably why he folded his arms and glared at you.
I really am sorry!